on dealing with difficult colleagues
ways to resolve conflicts at workplace
If you like all your colleagues and y’all are besties — something’s off. Or you are just a people pleaser, like I was haha.
A good team is diverse in perspectives, in experiences, and in ways of working. So while building products together, it is quite normal to have a few conflicting opinions or wait for it…conflicts with your colleagues!
However how you resolve those conflicts? That’s how you know how good a team is. And how much you’ve evolved in your profesh life.
Here is how I would approach a conflict at work.
🙇♀️ Step back and take notes
When you are in a situation, it is really hard to be objective. You also tend question yourself — am I being dramatic? Maybe this is how things work? Maybe I am too junior?Maybe I don’t have enough experience? Maybe I am just PMSing?
Stepping back to audit the situation helps.
Try and narrow down the incidents or emotional undercurrents of a situation that are making you uncomfortable.
Some tangible examples of this at workplace could be someone
- stepping over your role and responsibilities
- trying to take control or credit for your deliverables
- giving feedback which does not feel constructive
- spreading a narrative about you that is not true/uncomfortable for you
- creating unjustified pressure regarding quality/timeline of deliverables
- interfering in your personal physical space at work
- commenting on your personal relationships/ appearance in group settings
- appearing to be distant ( loss of trust or communication with said person)
🧠 Decide if it’s worth your time and energy
It’s hard truth but not everyone at work can be your bestie — sometimes you settle for cordial. And the amount of emotional energy you have is limited.
So truly ask yourself — how important it is to fix this situation for your work and team and most importantly your mental health? how soon do you need it resolved? Is it something that can wait a few days, or at least till tomorrow morning?
I have stopped reacting if I am not emotionally sober, and it’s been a game changer.
🛋 Set up a safe space
Try not to catch the other person off guard or in a group setting where they are likely to react and be defensive.
This space could be a 1:1 chat or a chat that includes your manager/trusted being or a simple slack message.
You can use something like
💬 “Hii, would love to discuss our ways of working. Setting some time later this week, hope that works”
💬 “Hello, would love to talk through a few things that have been on my mind. Nothing urgent or serious, but would appreciate some dedicated time for us to have a chat”
💬 “Hey would love to have a frank discussion on some challenges with project XYZ, setting some time for us to chat through”
If it’s a single incident and you would rather not be awks 1:1, you can also send a well worded slack message.
💬 “Hey hey — I really did not appreciate your comment on XYZ. In future, I would really appreciate if you can refrain from commenting on it!”
📝 Have talking points.
No one likes awkward or difficult conversations eww. It’s like a skill — so have a game plan and practice.
Have a rough outline of how you want the chat to go.
1. State your motive
Why are you putting yourself through this miserably hard conversation. To ensure you have smooth working relationship.
💬 ”I would love to make sure we deliver this amazing project on time”
💬 “I wanna make sure we have provide constructive feedback to each other”
💬 ”I want to ensure we have good vibes on team”
2. Acknowledge it might be awkward/ hard
Yeah, like if I could have avoided it I would.
💬 ”So this might be a bit hard but I would like to share with you some challenges I have been facing regarding XYZ”
💬 ”This situation might seem trivial in hindsight but it’s been weighing on me so I would like to share..”
3. State a shared goal
TikTok taught me — fight softly. Yes mine is often flooded with relationship advice lol.
Establish the narrative that even though you have challenges or disagreements now, you share a common goal.
💬 “We are working together so discussing this will help us collaborate more effectively”
💬 “We are part of the same team so having this chat will help me understand your stance/perspective better”
4. Share your perspective — kindly yet firmly
Always with tactical examples.
💬 “In our last meeting with engineering team, you cutting me off felt disrespectful to me.”
💬 “I am not entirely comfortable with you presenting my deliverables in team meeting/ or having conversations without me for this project.”
💬 “I appreciate your support on this project, but I would like to be responsible for delivering it, and be the main point of contact for the team.”
5. Come to conclusion
It’s important to not drag this out or expect instant change in situation or the person. Very likely this is going to be a series of conversations. Try and come to a shared resolution.
💬 “Going forward, let’s aim to communicate our progress in shorter intervals”
💬 “Let’s set up a follow-up session in coming days to work through this. Also happy to include xyz folks”
💬 “Thanks for listening and acknowledging, appreciate it”
🔥 Know when to escalate
Don’t try to solve all problems on your own.
We often let these things pass thinking we don’t wanna come off as ranting or complaining or not able to handle things on our own. It’s not depending — it’s relying on people you trust, maybe with more experience or relationship capital to help you navigate a situation.🤍
This was first published on my weekly newsletter. Would love to have a place in your inbox.
